and justice for all

“I was pulled over just about every time I left Miss Ann’s house,” Hanks says. “They’d ask me, ‘Why are you hanging out with those niggers, those drug dealers?’

fuck the south

holy warriors

I'm in your militaries killing your god.

The Bible, interpreted literally

"And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away."

Bruce Sterling knows what's up

Once a year Bruce Sterling does this "State of the World" discussion at the WELL (for you young ones, that's a sort of social networking/forum website from the early days of the interwebs, it's about as oldschool as things get on the interwebs). This year's has started, Bruce is in top form:

This is a rather doomy conversation... it has to be, because that definitely suits the period, it reflects the facts on the ground... but one of the ways to escape a sense of learned-helplessness is to postulate the opposite.

Like: imagine a world in which Bush was one of America's greatest presidents. He was still Bush, believing everything he believes, but he was a statesman whose vision had overwhelmed his critics.

For instance: Imagine that Iraq had been brimming over with nerve gas, secret missiles and even some homemade nuclear devices. Every grim thing that noted RAND futurist Donald Rumsfeld (remember him?)belived about the Iraq situation was keenly prescient and accurate. So a pre-emptive invasion was completely justified; even brilliant.

We'd still be in Iraq right now. EVERYBODY would be in Iraq right now. The Coalition of the Willing would probably be in Iran, too, and aiming for Pakistan. There would be a military draft, and a world war of sorts, but what other choice would we have? Bush would be a military hero who had saved us from a nuclear Pearl Harbor.

Imagine that the destruction of the middle class, the K Street strategy and crazy income disparities had led to a brilliantly solid American economy. It was Republican, yet technically innovative, with a sound dollar, a government surplus, Chinese-style ten percent GDP rates, and stock market boom conservatively based on radically improved productivity and genuine prosperity... Bushnomics would rule the
world.

Imagine that the Christian Right set America's social policies, and that they were Christian ladies and gentlemen. Imagine that they had so much moral authority through their good works and spiritual power that one felt ashamed in combatting them. They were not demagogic Elmer Gantrys who bashed gays, ambushed women and ruined the nation... instead, wherever their kindly shadow fell, the hungry were fed and housed, sinners were rehabilitated and made active members of the community, drug abuse was abandoned in favor of prayer, Martin Luther King's southern baptist dream vision was destroying the scourge of racism from sea to shining sea... The Culture War would be all over; the USA would be a theocratic state.

But none of that happened. Instead, we have what we have. And the people who voted for that -- Joe and Jane NASCAR, with their variable-rate mortgages and their cousin in the Army -- man are they ever gonna catch it in the neck. The closet is full of skeletons, and that's bad, but the skeletons are there for good reasons; they're all
skeletons of rotten policies that died horribly and deserved to die.

I know, that's a huge quote and this is now the longest post ever. Bruce is awesome though and that quote is really funny.

The War on Christmas

Last Christmas most people had a hard time finding Christmas cards that indicated in any way that Christmas commemorated Someone's Birth. Easter they will have the same difficulty in finding Easter cards that contain any suggestion that Easter commemorates a certain event. There will be rabbits and eggs and spring flowers, but a hint of the Resurrection will be hard to find. Now, all this begins with the designers of the cards.

- Henry Ford, from "The International Jew: The World's Foremost Problem"

eat me, drink me

"That's when two guys stood up and showed us their Jesus tattoos," she said. "They started yelling at us and telling us we have no savior. I started to yell back when one of them spat in my face," Krischanvich said. "I didn't let it bother me, and I told him, 'Jesus turned the other cheek,' and that is when the fight started."

Republican Jesus doesn't turn the other cheek, he bitchslaps faggots, kikes, and ragheads. Learn your place untermensch.

we love hate. we hate love.

The horrible thing about the Two Minutes Hate was not that one was obliged to act a part, but, on the contrary, that it was impossible to avoid joining in. Within thirty seconds any pretence was always unnecessary. A hideous ecstasy of fear and vindictiveness, a desire to kill, to torture, to smash faces in with a sledge-hammer, seemed to flow through the whole group of people like an electric current, turning one even against one’s will into a grimacing, screaming lunatic. And yet the rage that one felt was an abstract, undirected emotion which could be switched from one object to another like the flame of a blowlamp.

deus ex machina

Hook me up to the god machine.

Stephen Baldwin is crazy as fuck!

And The Evildoers better watch out because he is going on a Military Crusade in Iraq.

Republicans fear darkie

So cared of big black men they're willing to pay $20 to give 'em head!

Senator's wife cuts his dick off

Republican family values:

"I'm a lot more like Lorena Bobbitt than Hillary," she said. "If he does something like that, I'm walking away with one thing, and it's not alimony, trust me."

I don't think she has done it yet, but it just came out that he was cheating on her with a prostitute so it's only a matter of time before she cuts his dick off.

someone torture this guy already!

Gonzales is perpetually unable to tell the truth. Clearly he just needs a bit of the old "enhanced interrogation." I'm sure we could get Dick Cheney to hook some electrodes up to Alberto's balls...

evil librarians!

They're trying to turn our children into witches!!!

ignorant fucks

Are you a Republican?
Are you religious?

If the answer to either of the above questions is yes the odds are that you are a total fucking idiot.

last night I prayed

I didn't know that the almighty Baby Jeebus answered the prayers of degenerate atheists like me:

God has struck Jerry Falwell down!

"I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen.'"

Amen.

Laura Bush is a total asshat

Think of all the horrors of the Debacle in Iraqle. Now try to think of who has suffered the most. Did Laura and George pop into your head?

If she wants to see real suffering she should go visit some of the tens of thousands of severely injured soldiers, or the families of the dead, or maybe even some of the front line grunts living in tents who get serenaded by mortars and gunfire every night. Then she can shut the fuck up and go back to popping Xanax and wondering why George spends so much time alone with Condi.

i got my fist, i got my plan, i got survivalism

year zero

Hillary = France

Mitt Romney is ONE CRAZY MORMON!!!

Enmity toward France, where Romney did his Mormon mission during college, is a recurring theme of the document. The European Union, it says at one point, wants to “drag America down to Europe’s standards,” adding: “That’s where Hillary and Dems would take us. Hillary = France.” The plan even envisions “First, not France” bumper stickers.

Can people fucking get over this anti-France bullshit already? FRANCE WAS FUCKING RIGHT. I'd love it if the US was more like France. They beat us on every fucking measurement of quality of life.

explosive lent

Here is a weird story, someone rigged up three CD players in a church to play dirty sex talk during mass. The church discovered the CD players and moved them to the basement and then called the cops. The cops decided to BLOW UP TWO OF THE CD PLAYERS (?!?!). What's up with that? If they thought the CD players were explosive why not blow all of them up? CNN is too chickenshit to ask.

entartete Kunst

It's a bit disturbing how Christian activists can't handle a movie being released which has a child-rape scene. It must be pornography, because no real art would ever show such a thing and so it must not be released. Fuck censorship.